Loneliness can leave us feeling as if we are somehow defective, unlucky, or unlovable. It often makes us physically hurt. Yet there are lifelines everywhere if we look for them. Here are two ways to begin:
Acknowledge the pain of rejection and loss. Take the time you need to cry, stare at the wall, and rage at your misfortune. Recognize that emotions are signals to alert you of something important you can learn. The painful feelings can help you clarify what you truly need. While taking responsibility for your part in the relationship failure may sting, that understanding can help you grow and improve. Remember that all feelings are temporary. The hurt will pass.
Ask for help. Ask someone, like a therapist, or a loved one, to listen to your story. We all benefit from witnesses to our suffering. Someone can hold us in our grief. Provide comfort when we hurt. It may be challenging to ask for help, but in the act of asking, we aim toward healing and hope. Hopefulness is healthy.
We all have the power to strengthen our relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. Each relationship failure can point the way to greater self-awareness and self-improvement. Your deeper appreciation can fuel a more satisfying connection when you finally find that special someone.
Three Secrets to Healthy Relationships
The human brain has a natural negative bias to help us ward off threats. Yet the healthiest relationships feel abundant with joy, humor, playfulness, celebration, and admiration. Find pleasure in your loved one’s happiness. Join in celebrations of achievements. These moments of joyful connection help us cope better through the hard times. They infuse our relationships with vitality.
Gratitude: When you appreciate the kindness of others, you strengthen your attachments. When you can appreciate who and what you have, you improve your ability to cope with life’s challenges. Gratitude fosters emotional agility and improves mental health and happiness. It’s not enough to just feel grateful. Sharing your gratitude with others supercharges your relationships with positivity. When you share your appreciation, it inspires others to do the same.
Amplify the good: Our relationships flourish when we magnify the positive qualities we notice in others. We also feel happier when we recognize and amplify the good around us. Amplify the good by noticing it. Let your mind linger in the good longer. Then mention that good in all your relationships. Look for opportunities to share what you admire about others. This strengthens our attachments to one another and improves the quality of our relationships.
Commitment and meaning: Our work, family, social obligations, and responsibilities provide purpose beyond selfish desires. Maintaining our commitments makes our relationships stronger. Obligations and commitments offer us a sense of significance and meaning. Those in more committed relationships report feeling more happiness than those without a strong bond of commitment.
If you feel lonely, start with gratitude for yourself. Appreciate your unique experience and one-of-a-kind specialness. Write a letter of gratitude to yourself. You can marvel at your senses, the capacity to observe nature, listen to music, and engage in the world with your arms, legs, hands, and feet. Write daily journals and or letters of gratitude. Don’t neglect to acknowledge your weaker connections with people. You can also appreciate a helpful neighbor, a friendly barista, or a warm and caring doctor. Research shows writing about gratitude will help you recover from loss more quickly.
also read: This thing called love!
We can look for lifelines out of loneliness from outside (therapists, self-help books, friends, and family) and inside (gratitude, amplifying the good, upholding our commitments). Our human brain is designed to cope and adapt. It holds magnificent power we can harness for survival and happiness. Just gently aim it in the direction you wish to go. You may be surprised how far your mighty mind can take you.
Article by: Gina Simmons Schneider Ph.D.
