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Never grow old up. Remain young. If you’re 40+ years old , put on shorts so you look two decades younger; if you’re sixty, get a young lover to make you feel youthful again. After forty, maintain the same age and whenever filling any form, do it secretly so they can’t see your true age.

Do not celebrate your birthday after thirty lest they will ask you, ‘‘How old are you now?’’ Instead, disguise your own celebration by celebrating your children’s birthdays- and never miss any. Feel proud that they are actually growing up but never create any indication that you also are celebrating yours. Keep growing younger and younger. After all, one is as old as he feels.

On your list of preferences, cosmetics need a big budget as looks are very important just as though you were shopping for a lady preparing for nuptial ties. If you are a man, regress to shorts as they create an aura of youngness. And feminine cosmetics are the best for you.  Sir, as they accentuate the feeling of youthfulness on your skin. Anti-aging creams from Oriflame are a recommendation. You need to feel young inside even if the wearing body gives you away.

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Now Sir, listen. The braids of adolescence may not give you the respect deserving of your age. So replace them with a posh cut and nice shave.

On your shopping list, do not forget the black dye that guarantees a youthful look to your hair and blackens away the intrusive graying into your hair. Visit the salon twice a week and fight any indication of beards.

Don’t spend eight hours in the salon like the ladies, only two are just enough for a youthful sparkle on your head. If you do so, you will look twenty five at fifty.

Enjoy sex in all its form without the restrictions that come with marriage and need for decorum. Satisfy your body, your mind, your heart with the gift of sex however possibly you can.

Why the burden of marriage when you can buy cheap hot sex any time? Why get hooked up in a permanent relationship that will be cloud your joyful pursuits?

And to the females…..

And you, madam, why be controlled by a man at home when you could have several John’s handling an assortment of your welfare needs. The ultimate good is joie de vivre; uninterrupted blissful, exuberant enjoyment of the provisions of nature to the fullest possible extent. What’s the meaning of life if it cannot be enjoyed?

Real friends are unreliable and hard to make besides to maintain. Remain as playful as adolescents but demand from friends and family the respect that befits an adult.

You have nothing to do with your relatives, but friends, you have a host of ideas. Get easy ones in the virtual world with limited pressure to work to keep them.

Avoid the obligation that comes with a friend in need. In a day, you can get a dozen friends and secret admirers of your pictures.

Make sure you keep updating your Face book page by posting your younger-looking pictures in different clothes on the Face book- Those photos you took about a decade ago will give you more followers and friends than a recent one that exposes your aging face.

Your wellbeing is threatened by your neighbour.Do everything possible to remain on top and this is only possible if he stays down! What is the good in ethics if they cannot put food on the table? There’s nothing you will need from your neighbour; your bank account and the smart phone can handle your needs at a beckoning call.

You need to be seen as posh. Try to acquire the American accent and avoid your local dialect even when you are in the village. Its primitive you want to look modern? Make sure you know the names of the capital cities of the big countries plus a few monuments there; you never know when you may need to play the widely traveled ticket.

Don’t worry, no one will blame you. You’re neither an adolescent nor an adult, just an adolescent. You are 40+ but you feel 17 years old. Your confused situation should be appreciated by the society that has led you there.

You’re not to blame; after all, many desire to be. I rest my case!

By Joseph Ssebunya

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